An Open Letter Against Open Letters

You should ask for something more specific than for things to be “Better.” And also the Mayfair Witches.

At any given time there are a lot of problems going on in the world. We¹ all have limited time. Therefore, we have to choose which specific problems we are going to focus on. It’s sort of hard to understand exactly how much is going on in the world at any given time because we all narrow our focus to what’s directly in front of us, but for a start here are two things going on right now that have nothing whatsoever to do with each other:

1. Apparently there are roughly a dozen or so substacks run by people who are Nazi friendly making literally dozens of dollars a month. This is a slight understatement on my part but apparently the entire economic output of the nouveau third reich on this platform is able to transact roughly a Kia Optima of wealth on a yearly basis. A man named Jonathan Katz is quite upset about this and a few hundred other people on this platform have co-signed a letter to this effect.

2. There is a show my wife forces me to watch called the Mayfair Witches starring Alexandra Daddario about a family of witches that all have gross sex with a spirit named “Lasher” played by a man who might otherwise be handsome, but is dressed in every scene like the manager of a Sizzler who abuses his meager power in failing attempts to groom his teenage wait staff. Every episode there’s some scene that makes me feel like I found a classified document about the things women really want that I wasn’t supposed to see and then I have to live with the burden of that knowledge like when Jimmy Carter asked about what was going on at Area-51.

To be fair, I get why people are upset that there are Nazis somewhere making enough money to go out to a Red Robin once a week as long as they watch what they order and don’t get an appetizer. Nazis are really bad. Nazis are even worse than media content that portrays women entering into sexual relationships with male-encoded Sizzler entities, that also had sex with their mother, as a sexy thing to do. Not even Alexandra Daddario could make Nazis look good, just like her baby blue eyes couldn’t save the Mayfair Witches.

If this seems random, let me point out another thing that is also random. Chris Best is the CEO of substack but also in no way possessed of all encompassing wisdom that allows him to discern appropriate justice for all people all of the time.² So if you are upset that someone is on the platform that you don’t like and you want someone to do something about it isn’t it kind of odd to turn to Some Canadian Guy as the ultimate authority on what is right and wrong?

That’s not a non-sequitur. I know a lot of you want it to be. You’re thinking “of course I would complain to him, he’s the CEO of the company!” But that isn’t the right analogy. You’re wanting to make an enforcement action against someone for doing something you don’t like. Granted, there’s some gray room here but what you’re really doing is closer to observing someone doing something you think is illegal in a bar, like threatening someone with violence, and then going to the owner of that bar and asking him to issue a restraining order and pass a sentence.

What?

I know we have all gotten used to this being the state of affairs, but shouldn’t we all want more for ourselves? I like Chris. He’s in the running for Best Chris. But I also don’t think he should be the King of Substack or wield an incredible individual power to pass judgement on other people. He’s a Canadian. If he gives into that even once he’ll start doing all kinds of passive aggressive mean shit and start saying really nasty stuff like “I love that for you!” Is that the power you want to live under?

Let’s say you did something to piss someone off one day. Wouldn’t you want basic stuff like the right to speak up in your own defense? Or for your fate to be decided by some other group of people who understood you and your culture instead of any large-ish group of people who can whip themselves up into a mob?

We don’t even remember how to want these things anymore. And here I am sounding like a crazy person because I believe people have rights and power should be wielded democratically and maybe we should just build all of that into our code-bases. It sometimes feels like Ben Dreyfuss’ dad is the last person you see in America still talking about Civics education.

I could link you to the stickied post on my substack where I lay out how such a system should be constructed, but no, you’re too busy holding a doll made out of the body parts of your ancestors who all had sex with the spirit of Sizzler manager so you can do some goddamn thing in the second to last episode to even click on it and read.

1. My day begins at 4:00am. I quietly get out of the bed so that I don’t disturb my wife, and then try to eat a ninja quiet breakfast so that I don’t wake my toddler. Then I have a silent grooming session where I basically just splash some water on my face and comb my hair with my fingers so I can be zoom ready for work. I look at my own reflection in a perfect mindless state and for about ten minutes, during seven of which I perfectly understand the meaning of life even though I won’t be able to remember it the moment turn away. With the same dedication to stealth, I catch up on any articles in my substack feed and do morning prayers which mostly resembles someone massaging their forehead due to a terrible headache or waging an existential battle on what it means to exist and be a good person, and maybe those are all the same thing. By 5am, I am usually logged on to work and cleaning out my inbox from the previous day. Starting at 6am, I am typically in conference calls for one item or another until 3pm. Most of the exercise I get in the day is on my desk treadmill, where I try to hit at least six miles each day. This also keeps my energy up and any Notes I publish to substack during this time have what I call “peak cocaine energy” that comes from walking at 2mph while totally sober. My last call of the day is usually to meet with my one or more members of my team and direct them on items we need to accomplish over the next day, week, or month and make sure we are getting the right information we need in order to execute on whatever business priorities are out there. I leave work feeling like a wet rag that just had all of the thought-juice squeezed out of it.

If any of my calls end exactly eleven minutes or more early, I get to take a real shower and still be on time for my next meeting. This happens most days so it hasn’t been a problem so far. I do not block out a time for lunch or breaks or anything like that. My wife usually brings me lunch and I eat strategically during periods where it’s not required that I talk on conference calls. During random five minute lulls I get to catch up with you fine people on substack.

At 3pm, whether I’m done with everything or not, my wife will enter my office and hand me our toddler. I’m pretty tired at this point but then two versions of me inside of my soul have a battle like that scene in Superman IV in the junkyard and the good guy keeps winning so I suck it up and smile at the angelic beauty of my child. Depending on the weather, I try to give my wife a break and leave the house. We either go to the library, the park, or the children’s museum about twenty-five minutes away. This gives me a break from feeling like a hamster as well and is usually my longest me-time. Also a prime spot for podcasts. We’re usually home by about 5:30pm. Dinner will be prepared, with my wife and I trading this off and depending on if we’ve done prep work the day previous. I feed my son dinner and this is usually my hardest exercise time because I chase him around the house pretending to be a dinosaur or some other kind of monster.

Bath at 6:30. In bed at 7:00. We try to read books but lately he’s wanted to watch Studio Ghibli movies and he’s not really energetic enough for much of anything else. Neither am I, so we spend the last hour of every night just watching something while I listen to yet another podcast with my phone on low volume on my shoulder. My wife takes him back at 8:00pm to complete the night time ritual.

I clean up and do dishes from 8:00pm to 9:00pm. Then my wife comes down to spend time with me and we talk or watch a show and I try to be in bed no later than 10:00pm.

Fridays are grocery day and we all get Chick-fil-A and listen to the Pirate Wires podcast, which my wife finds very annoying because she doesn’t have any of my shared interests with that stuff. I’m an information junkie so a lot of my podcast listening is done on my phone in my pocket when it’s just me and my son. On the weekends, my wife and I try to have family outings but otherwise I take over as the default parent.

If I get up at two or three in the morning, I try to work on a substack or something else to help me get some more thoughts out. If my son sleeps in super late on a weekend that is a big block of unstructured time for me as well. Also a nap which is usually one and a half hours. On the flip side, lately I’ve had to start my work days at 3:00am or 4:00am in order to do the kinds of things I can’t do while talking to people all day. Six hours seems to be my optimal duration for sleep and anything less than five hours of sleep a night and I can’t function, so I won’t even play with that.

This is all much better than roofing houses or working on a drilling rig, both of which I’ve done. That perspective keeps me from complaining on it overmuch.

2. I have occasionally exchanged Notes on this platform with Chris, by virtue of the fact that I am incredibly charming and also His Purple Mountain Majesty, Lord of Liberty, Ruler of the Republic, Shield of Speech, Presumer of Innocence, Blinder of Justice, Fruiter of the Planes, Amberer of the Waves of Grain, William of Rights, Father of the Founding Fathers, the King of the United States of America. It would be kind of weird not to talk to me when you are running a platform in my country. If you’re super hard rolling your eyes right now, I have exactly the same rights to that title as any other king alive today or in history, namely because I just decided to start calling myself that one day.