For whatever reason, people like when I share anecdotes about my life. So, if you’re looking for big colorful stories about strange life experience this is a good place to start. This AI generated image looks like me, when I was younger and less fat.
Biographical Stories
The Deep South of the Pacific Northwest
A long piece about my hometown of Aberdeen, WA. If it seems like I have an unusual number of stories, it’s because I grew up here and there’s a sort of filtering effect that causes a lot of dysfunction to happen there. It also includes the story of my fourth grade teacher dying in the middle of class.
My Micronesian Stepfather was a White Supremacist Amateur Elvis Impersonator
The story is basically the title. Yes, he’s a real guy.
My dad thought I was gay for most of my childhood because I like math, science, and reading. This is the story of him finally confronting me about it because we got coffee one day and I pronounce caramel as “care-uh-mel.”
To Choose that Stars Redeem the Night
My best friend in high school was in a car crash. Again, because of the rain. Rain was the main antagonist of my childhood, if I really think about it.
This was previously in substack reads and hard to believe it’s been over a year. My cousin passed away and this is the story of his life. I loved him quite a lot. He had a bit of a lying problem, but he was still my best friend for a good chunk of my life.
My mother slept with my step-dad’s brother. Then he tried to strangle her. I talk about some political stuff in here but to my mind it’s not political once you accept the reality of how awful it is that we leave people to just go insane and die in the middle of the street. We should not do that because it causes really terrible things to happen.
Spontaneous Human Combustion and the Sex Colt Conspiracy (Paywalled)
My mother got back together with my step-dad after he tried to kill her because it turned out his brother was boring and just wanted to do drugs all the time and didn’t want to murder anyone at all. Also, I meet a schizophrenic who believes that Illuminatus pedophiles are after him and then dies several years later by burning to death in a tent in the middle of a desert. Theme here is once again that maybe we shouldn’t let people who can’t really take care of themselves die in public.
I have panic attacks although much less frequently than I used to. This is one where I daydream about a sloth and then it dies, but really I was very sad about my grandmother passing away but didn’t know it.
I like to write. I have since I was a kid. I consider it more or less like my brain’s way of going to the bathroom.
Anti-Majestic Cosmic Horseshit
This one is the reason you’re here, probably, but in case this draws any new eyeballs, I was very depressed and sad after a break up and saw God by a canal. Yes, it’s weird. It probably changed my whole life, though. I stopped being bitter and angry afterward —except by force of habit because I didn’t want to let that stuff go even after I stopped feeling it— and started to realized how many of the things I didn’t like in my life were my own fault.
Free Will in the Gord of Eden (Paywalled)
The story of working for an eccentric millionaire pervert who owned a bunch of peacocks. I have a major revelation about Free Will while bull-nosing a bunch of tile in a rainstorm for his windowsills.
The story of my grandfather, who probably had the biggest impact on me of anyone in my entire life. This includes the story of how he once slapped a man in the head during sports photo day.
I fart during Silent Reading Time in the third grade, and have major guilt over it when another child is blamed for my indiscretion.