My deep condolences. Timmy truly should have had a chance at a good life. Everyone should. What a terrible waste.
There's so much despair in our society. It's heartbreaking. My basket-case cousin died while in jail for a DUI in winter 2021. We don't really know the cause and the autopsy report was oddly imprecise (imo), but she had substance abuse problems and was probably in withdrawal. Then her older sister - the one who everyone thought had it together - nearly died this spring of liver failure. She seems to be recovering now. But no one knew she'd been drinking heavily, which probably started in the wake of an acrimonious divorce. Still, her kids were thriving, she had several young grandchildren, her career was lucrative, and everyone was floored. There are two other sibs who seem to be doing fine. But all were marked by the abandonment of their narcissistic father and the resulting struggle of their mom to hold the family together financially, which also left her time-poor.
That you emerged from your childhood with the ability to save yourself as an adult is a small miracle, with your grandparents as the miracle workers. Not only have you saved your own life, you're setting your kids on the path to health and happiness. The full scope of what you're giving them will unfold only over many years to come. But please know it's a huge gift.
My condolences in return. I’d like to think it wasn’t always like this but I think it’s just hard to live sometimes. Worth it, but damn hard at moments.
During frequent trips to a major hospital, I would see people gripped by addiction on the streets. Their decline was terrible to watch. I could only bear witness.
Every person’s face is imprinted. Every single one is someone’s baby. I hope they don’t disappear into a potter’s field, unknown and unnoticed.
Your cousin is blessed to have people who cared and will miss him. He won’t be alone when he’s laid to rest. You’ll tell your little one about Uncle Timmy.
There’s a clinic here for them fifteen or so minutes down the road. Wish I could make them all believe how much they matter. Wish we had some place we could make them go to get well but I know it’s not a thing easily treated.
I am so sorry for the loss of your cousin. This piece about you both was heartbreaking and beautiful. I think you captured who he was, and because of that he lives on now in your words. You overcame so much yourself, and I'm only some random Substacker but it warms my heart to know you got through all that you did. What happened to your other cousins was not your fault. You were a child. Please don't blame yourself for another person's evil deeds. Wishing you and your family comfort in this time of great pain.
I awoke this morning after having dreams about cousins I haven't seen or talked to in years - in some cases, decades. And then I came upon this. Eerie and surreal. I'm grateful for it.
I'm a parent of young kids, and the topic of death/God/what happens when you die is one that comes up a lot. I'm not religious, which sometimes makes it hard to talk through those questions in a way that gives my kids a satisfactory answer. Of course, I bake it into my response that because I believe we can't *really* know, there's flexibility on believing what you want, when it makes sense for you, and that it can (and should!) change over time.
All that to say, in response to my 7 year-old daughter asking what happens after we die, I tell her I don't know ... Except that one thing I do know, with certainty, is that people remember us.
This piece is proof of that fact. Your words are a testament to your cousin's life ... a life, like all in their own ways, that was messy and complicated, but beautiful too.
Thank you for sharing some of his story. And yours. We are all part of each other's stories, and in spite of the dark experiences and tragedies and struggles we face throughout our lives, our shared time together is what makes this ride we call life special.
Cherish your time with your kids. And keep writing and sharing. Thank you for this. It will stick with me for a long time.
Thanks Rebecca. He was one of my all time favorites growing up, just because there was never a dull moment. We used to sleep around the Monopoly board at night to make sure none of the pieces were moved.
I'm sorry for your loss of Timmy. I'm happy you can remember your love for each other and that he was somebody's baby rather than a nameless, homeless addict.
I have a younger family member in similar circumstances who I haven't seen in several years. She was a beautiful little girl and still is someone's baby and grandbaby. I hear you.
My prayers for your family member. It’s just such a damn thing to watch some whittle themselves away into a statue of nothing. Something has to change.
What you have written is beautiful. I am so sorry for the hurt you feel at your cousin’s death.
Thank you for humanizing Timmy and sharing his/your story. I am able to visualize you and him through the years as you moved through your joys and sorrows. You have expressed your unwavering affection for him. In all of his misfortune, he was very lucky to have a cousin with such love. Blessings to you and your family.
This was beautifully written and such a tribute to Timmy. So many of our fellow humans are merely one step away from a tragic outcome due to life circumstances. It's heartbreaking and many of them will never get redemption and remembrance through a story like you've written.
My son died alone in his bed during a time that was supposed to be his greatest comeback in life. I also honored him by continuing to write his story long after he was gone. All the Timmys and men like my son were somebody's beautiful boy.
Thanks Kristi and my deepest condolences on your son. I hope he knew how much he was loved. Really wish there was a way to make everyone know how much they’re cared for.
My “Timmy” was my brother. Eric. He wasn’t an addict but his mental illness went undiagnosed his whole life. Reading your story is helping me reframe mine. And I may yet put words to that frame.
Eric died in March. His “Remembrance” was this July, at a state park w family and his few friends. I was SO relieved and pleased to hear the stories shared abt Eric. That tho I had very little contact for many years at a time, he did have a small circle of friends that were his family.
I was the one to write the obit for the paper...Still a bit haunted that I Could never do it. Irony in life is that I think way more of Eric now than I did for long years. (Tho we HAD reconnected a few years ago, making one of my fav memories w him).
I am sorry for your loss of Timmy, and the loss of possibilities and the loss of time. At Eric’s remembrance we listened to the song “I’ll Fly Away” (long version from Krauss & ?) -- knowing that Timmy & Eric are indeed released from the shackles round their feet... Give it a listen.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I laughed and cried throughout. It brought back some fond memories of my own two kids in their youth stuffing pillows underneath their clothes and having sumo wrestling ‘fights’. Now, your story will be indelibly etched into my kid’s sumo story. Take care. Enjoy your children and enjoy this beautiful life.
My sympathies on your loss. My first cousin, the youngest of the three of us, died in her sleep about a month ago.
I’m shocked by how strange it all feels. Her life wasn’t easy, and I hadn’t seen her in about four years, but I was once so close to her and her sister.
I can’t explain how I feel, but it’s powerful, whatever it is. I can’t believe there isn’t some way to go back to our grandparents’ house and be kids again, much less that she’s really gone.
I'm so very sorry for your loss! I have my own story and reading stories like yours brings it all back! It's a reminder to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said and don't put off til tomorrow the calls or visits we should make! Hugs
Your post created a profound sense of nostalgia within me. remembering my cousins when I was a child. I am a little older than they are and we also got together periodically and as children you don't know all the problems each one faces in their daily lives. Out times together were an escape, a way to forget our daily lives and struggles (more for my cousins I think, they had it a little tough) and just enjoy our shared experiences. I am always fond of those memories of our innocence. When you grow up and have to live life...things aren't so much fun any more.
I stumbled across this piece while scrolling through my email. Glad I found It. Made me think of how far I’ve drifted from most of my family over the years and that brings up sadness and a sense of loneliness. We are a lonely people, aren’t we? Keep writing; you’ve got the knack.
I'm never going to forget this post or your cousin, I don't think. I have to leave it at that or I'll never stop.
Thanks Mills.
My deep condolences. Timmy truly should have had a chance at a good life. Everyone should. What a terrible waste.
There's so much despair in our society. It's heartbreaking. My basket-case cousin died while in jail for a DUI in winter 2021. We don't really know the cause and the autopsy report was oddly imprecise (imo), but she had substance abuse problems and was probably in withdrawal. Then her older sister - the one who everyone thought had it together - nearly died this spring of liver failure. She seems to be recovering now. But no one knew she'd been drinking heavily, which probably started in the wake of an acrimonious divorce. Still, her kids were thriving, she had several young grandchildren, her career was lucrative, and everyone was floored. There are two other sibs who seem to be doing fine. But all were marked by the abandonment of their narcissistic father and the resulting struggle of their mom to hold the family together financially, which also left her time-poor.
That you emerged from your childhood with the ability to save yourself as an adult is a small miracle, with your grandparents as the miracle workers. Not only have you saved your own life, you're setting your kids on the path to health and happiness. The full scope of what you're giving them will unfold only over many years to come. But please know it's a huge gift.
My condolences in return. I’d like to think it wasn’t always like this but I think it’s just hard to live sometimes. Worth it, but damn hard at moments.
During frequent trips to a major hospital, I would see people gripped by addiction on the streets. Their decline was terrible to watch. I could only bear witness.
Every person’s face is imprinted. Every single one is someone’s baby. I hope they don’t disappear into a potter’s field, unknown and unnoticed.
Your cousin is blessed to have people who cared and will miss him. He won’t be alone when he’s laid to rest. You’ll tell your little one about Uncle Timmy.
There’s a clinic here for them fifteen or so minutes down the road. Wish I could make them all believe how much they matter. Wish we had some place we could make them go to get well but I know it’s not a thing easily treated.
I am so sorry for the loss of your cousin. This piece about you both was heartbreaking and beautiful. I think you captured who he was, and because of that he lives on now in your words. You overcame so much yourself, and I'm only some random Substacker but it warms my heart to know you got through all that you did. What happened to your other cousins was not your fault. You were a child. Please don't blame yourself for another person's evil deeds. Wishing you and your family comfort in this time of great pain.
Thanks Muliebrity.
I awoke this morning after having dreams about cousins I haven't seen or talked to in years - in some cases, decades. And then I came upon this. Eerie and surreal. I'm grateful for it.
I'm a parent of young kids, and the topic of death/God/what happens when you die is one that comes up a lot. I'm not religious, which sometimes makes it hard to talk through those questions in a way that gives my kids a satisfactory answer. Of course, I bake it into my response that because I believe we can't *really* know, there's flexibility on believing what you want, when it makes sense for you, and that it can (and should!) change over time.
All that to say, in response to my 7 year-old daughter asking what happens after we die, I tell her I don't know ... Except that one thing I do know, with certainty, is that people remember us.
This piece is proof of that fact. Your words are a testament to your cousin's life ... a life, like all in their own ways, that was messy and complicated, but beautiful too.
Thank you for sharing some of his story. And yours. We are all part of each other's stories, and in spite of the dark experiences and tragedies and struggles we face throughout our lives, our shared time together is what makes this ride we call life special.
Cherish your time with your kids. And keep writing and sharing. Thank you for this. It will stick with me for a long time.
Thanks Rebecca. He was one of my all time favorites growing up, just because there was never a dull moment. We used to sleep around the Monopoly board at night to make sure none of the pieces were moved.
I'm sorry for your loss of Timmy. I'm happy you can remember your love for each other and that he was somebody's baby rather than a nameless, homeless addict.
I have a younger family member in similar circumstances who I haven't seen in several years. She was a beautiful little girl and still is someone's baby and grandbaby. I hear you.
My prayers for your family member. It’s just such a damn thing to watch some whittle themselves away into a statue of nothing. Something has to change.
Thank you Some Guy.
What you have written is beautiful. I am so sorry for the hurt you feel at your cousin’s death.
Thank you for humanizing Timmy and sharing his/your story. I am able to visualize you and him through the years as you moved through your joys and sorrows. You have expressed your unwavering affection for him. In all of his misfortune, he was very lucky to have a cousin with such love. Blessings to you and your family.
Thanks Elizabeth.
This is brilliant writing! I was riveted from beginning to end. Thank you. So many of us have a cousin story.
This was beautifully written and such a tribute to Timmy. So many of our fellow humans are merely one step away from a tragic outcome due to life circumstances. It's heartbreaking and many of them will never get redemption and remembrance through a story like you've written.
My son died alone in his bed during a time that was supposed to be his greatest comeback in life. I also honored him by continuing to write his story long after he was gone. All the Timmys and men like my son were somebody's beautiful boy.
Thanks Kristi and my deepest condolences on your son. I hope he knew how much he was loved. Really wish there was a way to make everyone know how much they’re cared for.
He did, and thank you. I wish the same thing.
I once saw a quote that read, "If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever." I think it speaks volumes.
My “Timmy” was my brother. Eric. He wasn’t an addict but his mental illness went undiagnosed his whole life. Reading your story is helping me reframe mine. And I may yet put words to that frame.
Eric died in March. His “Remembrance” was this July, at a state park w family and his few friends. I was SO relieved and pleased to hear the stories shared abt Eric. That tho I had very little contact for many years at a time, he did have a small circle of friends that were his family.
I was the one to write the obit for the paper...Still a bit haunted that I Could never do it. Irony in life is that I think way more of Eric now than I did for long years. (Tho we HAD reconnected a few years ago, making one of my fav memories w him).
I am sorry for your loss of Timmy, and the loss of possibilities and the loss of time. At Eric’s remembrance we listened to the song “I’ll Fly Away” (long version from Krauss & ?) -- knowing that Timmy & Eric are indeed released from the shackles round their feet... Give it a listen.
I am so sorry for the loss of your cousin. I am captivated by your writing.
Thanks Donna
I’m so sorry for your loss. I laughed and cried throughout. It brought back some fond memories of my own two kids in their youth stuffing pillows underneath their clothes and having sumo wrestling ‘fights’. Now, your story will be indelibly etched into my kid’s sumo story. Take care. Enjoy your children and enjoy this beautiful life.
Thank you and I’m glad it touched you. I think there was a whole generation of kids sumo wrestling in hallways.
My sympathies on your loss. My first cousin, the youngest of the three of us, died in her sleep about a month ago.
I’m shocked by how strange it all feels. Her life wasn’t easy, and I hadn’t seen her in about four years, but I was once so close to her and her sister.
I can’t explain how I feel, but it’s powerful, whatever it is. I can’t believe there isn’t some way to go back to our grandparents’ house and be kids again, much less that she’s really gone.
My condolences to you as well. I suppose they’re always with us because we wouldn’t be who we are without them.
I'm so very sorry for your loss! I have my own story and reading stories like yours brings it all back! It's a reminder to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said and don't put off til tomorrow the calls or visits we should make! Hugs
Absolutely tomorrow isn’t promised and condolences to you as well. Every day is a gift.
Your post created a profound sense of nostalgia within me. remembering my cousins when I was a child. I am a little older than they are and we also got together periodically and as children you don't know all the problems each one faces in their daily lives. Out times together were an escape, a way to forget our daily lives and struggles (more for my cousins I think, they had it a little tough) and just enjoy our shared experiences. I am always fond of those memories of our innocence. When you grow up and have to live life...things aren't so much fun any more.
Glad to hear it touched you. I hope you still have a good relationship and maybe this will inspire you to reach out.
I stumbled across this piece while scrolling through my email. Glad I found It. Made me think of how far I’ve drifted from most of my family over the years and that brings up sadness and a sense of loneliness. We are a lonely people, aren’t we? Keep writing; you’ve got the knack.
Reach out to the family! Let this be your excuse.